Animal Psychics

Before I canceled my cable television service I used to get over 200 channels of television – and cable is not cheap. It was like paying a second mortgage! I should own HBO by now. The reason I canceled was because even with 200+ channels, there was never anything on television. All I would do all night long is channel surf like an idiot. One channel, after another, after another. I got so good that I can punch a channel in on the remote without even looking. The chicks really dig that!! But I usually just scroll up and down with those arrows – channel, to channel to channel – hoping that please G-d, let it stop. Let there be something on!!

Finally you just compromise. After a while you just have to. I just close my eyes and say, ok wherever it lands that’s what I am going to watch. So I land on a channel that has a show called “Pet Psychic” on. She communicates with people’s pets and informs the owners as to what’s on their mind. The show originated in LA – big surprise. So this is what I see. There’s a nice couple with their Lab, Tonto and this English lady, the pet Psychic. She puts her ear up against the dog’s mouth:

“Yes Tonto? What do you want me to tell them”

Tonto lets out a grrrrrl—–rough, rough!!! And whines a
little—-“errrrrrr”. Then he scrapes his paw against the floor and wails.

She translates for them:

“Tonto says you don’t pay enough attention to him. He is lonely and resents
the fact that you had him neutered”.

“Yeah well he should have thought about that while he was humping my leg,
and my wife had her tubes tied. You don’t see her complaining.

“He doesn’t like the carpeting in the living room”.

“I think he has made that abundantly clear!!! Didn’t need a psychic for
that one!! We knew he either didn’t like it or claimed it as his own.

“He’s a very intelligent animal. Very intelligent”. The dog pulls on her leg
like he wants to tell her something else:

The Psychic continues: “ He doesn’t like the blue automatic toilet bowl
cleaner. It gives him an upset stomach!”

“Yeah well if he is so intelligent what is he doing drinking out of the
toilet?”

She continues: “He wants you to sell your Cadillac and buy a rickshaw.”

With that both the lady and the dog were kicked out of the house.

The lady brought the dog to the ASPCA and they put her to sleep. Not the dog, the lady.

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