From the Office of Clairvoyancy

I have a client that awakened me to the fact the the instructions she was sending me regarding her color scheme were “not very complicated”. This was email response:

Dear Ms. Cootchie Cootchie,

My name is Mr. Hector Abracadabra Snarrky Snark with the Office of Clairvoyancy here at Pop Media Pro. It was brought to my attention that it was twice mentioned how “not that complicated” your instructions were regarding the overhaul of the color scheme of your home page. Once by you and once by your “artist” friend. Unfortunately our office Happy Medium has been out for two weeks so we are in somewhat of a bind. He asked his Ouija Board a stupid question and it rose of from the table and struck him on the head causing a mild concussion. It also caused his head to sink into his neck to such a degree that his doctors are still unable to pull it out.

Thanks for the color wheel comments and the newly presented “hex”numbers whatever they are. In the future we ask that you place your forehead against your computer monitor – if it is an older monitor not a flat screen, please place your bare foot up against it and chant: hare rama lama lama ding dong 7 times emphasizing the words rama lama the first 4 times and the words ding dong the last 3 times. I am sure you will find these instructions “not too complicated” but I’m afraid if you do this incorrectly you will need to start all over again. By doing this we will be able to scan your mind so that we don’t have to google and find 90 varieties of the colors you are talking about like “purple” and “indigo” as you mention here:

can I see a dilluted cornflower blue behind the stories and then she may suggest changing the color behind the header to an indigo with purple/blue tones – stronger than the background – still keep the flowers and where the deepest turquoise is, the deepest purple/indigo should go there. Your guys should understand this. She thinks it’s stronger and she says it’s me.. And I agree – it’s also less feminine and my title is already enough of that. This is a little pastel for me.

Upon attempting to “dillute” the cornflower blue, the concoction looked and smelled so yummy that unfortunately we ate it with some crackers and cheddar cheese. However we will attempt to contact the spirit world again with the “hex” numbers you gave us but be advised that in our dimension most living souls use Pantone colors as a reference as listed and utilized in Photo Shop as opposed to ” indigo with purple blue tones” etc.

We are terribly sorry for the inconvenience and we are afraid we will not be able to proceed until we speak by phone and you can also channel in your “artist” friend in on the conversation. Perhaps we can schedule a time on Monday morning after your meeting with Shirley MacLaine. Thank you for your time and imaginary effort. As this will be the last website we ever do, we want to make sure you are completely satisfied that the colors you wish to present to your Los Angeles peers and fellow Hollywood friends scream: “CAROLl!!”

I caution you to please again remember to emphasize the words rama lama the first 4 times and the words ding dong the last 3 times when you have your bare foot or forehead on the screen as this is vital to our trademarked mind scanning process and if this is done incorrectly you may believe you are back in grade school again with a crush on your 3rd grade teacher Mr. Needleman as this can cause great stress and unnecessary trauma to your psyche.

Ms. Cootchie Cootchie, as always, we thank you for your business and we look forward to many, many more years of trying to figure out what you are trying to convey to us using the new language you learned during your astral projection classes and numerous visits to Mars.



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *