by Mucho Groucho
It seems enough loyalists have decided that Qadaffi’s life is not worth dying for and so the General’s merry men have disbanded leaving Muammar on the run. I have some insight based on my own life experiences and keen thought processes to help those that are seeking him and I hope my invaluable advice on where he might be will be heeded immediately. First of all he is probably wearing the same striped shirt that “Waldo” of the famous “Where’s Waldo” series of books is wearing. There’s your first clue.
When I owned a home, and during those times I felt that the whole world was against me (especially my wife) I would retreat to my basement where I would find refuge and solace. There is a good possibility that Muammer has taken the stairs downward and is hanging out in his own palace basement. He is probably playing ping pong with the few friends and family members he has left and I am sure they let him win every game. Listen for the dictators loud screams of “I won again!!!” and you will find him.
Check Condeleeza Rice’s house in Washington DC. In case you haven’t heard, photos of her were found in his palace and he is her number one fan (after that other kooky tyrant Dick Cheney). I can picture them now, snuggling on her sofa. “Oh Muammie, I didn’t even know you played the guitar.” While he plays “Baby I’m a Want You” by the band Bread, she toasts “smores” in the fireplace and feeds him. “I love these things!” he tells her. “I bet we can package this stuff and make millions. They are a little messy though. Use two marshmallows for the next one will you my little love sparrow?”
A while back I posted an email sent by Qadaffi to Charlie Sheen asking if Chuckie can put him up for a while in his Hollywood mansion. Guys with tigers blood and crazy ways tend to stick together so that is one of the first places I would check. He’s probably turning him on to coke and introducing him to his own concubines while they share war stories of how they outwitted the general public into thinking they were “normal”. Qadaffi was “normalized” by George W. Bush when Muammie promised to no longer pursue “nuc-ulear” weapons. Charlie was recently “normalized” by American television who are bringing the warlock back for a show based on the movie “Anger Management.” I am sure Qadaffi will have a role in the show and will be available for capture as he sits poolside signing autographs to a brand new fan base.
I know that when I feel alone and needing to vent, I go to my local bar to have a few drinks and confer with my favorite bar tender. There is a good chance Qadaffi is at the Shepherd’s Tavern in downtown Tripoli drinking his sorrows away. “No one understands me Joe. I’m not a bad guy. I may have made some bad choices but what I do is not who I am.” “Well, beheading your political enemies did not make you very popular but it’s good that you can learn from your mistakes and move on. Would you like another Bud, Bud?” “Sure. And that Condee Rice. She’s another one. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted her. I still can’t find my wallet or cell phone”.
I hope these tips have been helpful and I am sure that if they are taken seriously Qadaffi will be found very quickly. I hope I am not forgotten as the one who led to his capture and maybe the reward money that was offered for Bin Laden will roll over as a reward for Qadaffi’s capture. I am broke and can really use the million bucks. Thanks.